Dave Chapelle had that whole bit about every black dude being a qualified paralegal. I’ve learned this week everybody over the age of fifty is a qualified cardiologist. Talk to them about a heart condition they will name fifteen drugs, five kinds of surgery. They will name six people the patient should go see in in the area, a few books, some websites. They have theories and practical advice and they will say who not to go see.
Let’s talk about The Weather. The Weather is a reoccurring phenomenon in my dreams lately, an organization peopled by a bunch of psuedo-nietzschean baynesian-evangalists, all wearing black turtlenecks. Among themselves they speak a strange guttural language that seems just beyond the reach of deciphering. One of their oft-repeated mantras is “The Will Is All.” They keep showing up at moments of danger in my dreams and then telling me to do the most dangerous thing.
For example, last night, after a strenuous bit of effort I finally climbed the redwood that grew out of a viscous swamp. No sooner had i reached the peak of the redwood than these two guys from The Weather showed up and explained in vaguely threatening tones I needed to jump to the peak of the next redwood. It seemed too far. Then I woke up.
I have been vomiting for about 12 hours. I’m thinking food poisoning but what do I know. You know the floor always feels so good when this happens. Like the floor will take care of you if you hug it enough. I don’t think I’ve felt this bad in the last decade.
This is a remarkably unpleasant day.But water and floor have never been more appreciated.
Look girl roommate, I think of you are great. But! But! Don’t just stand there wrapped in a revealing towel talking to me for ten minutes. Do you have any idea how uninteresting the ceiling is to stare at?
“Kitchen I have a favor to ask. It’s going to involve some bargaining tactics on my side but what exactly would it take for you to dress as a Reindeer for Ryan’s Christmas present?”—Great moments in gchat.
Casey: What about Sally?
Dana: That wasn’t dating.
Casey: Well, we slept together almost every night for three months.
Dana: Thanks for reminding me.
Dana: That wasn’t dating, that was two lonely and pathetic people slinking off after a crappy little 2am show getting drunk and using each other for sex!
Casey: (stops dead in his tracks) That’s not dating?
Only took them 55 Years: Inouye's Medal of Honor Citation
"Second Lieutenant Daniel K. Inouye distinguished himself by extraordinary heroism in action on 21 April 1945, in the vicinity of San Terenzo, Italy. While attacking a defended ridge guarding an important road junction, Second Lieutenant Inouye skillfully directed his platoon through a hail of automatic weapon and small arms fire, in a swift enveloping movement that resulted in the capture of an artillery and mortar post and brought his men to within 40 yards of the hostile force. Emplaced in bunkers and rock formations, the enemy halted the advance with crossfire from three machine guns. With complete disregard for his personal safety, Second Lieutenant Inouye crawled up the treacherous slope to within five yards of the nearest machine gun and hurled two grenades, destroying the emplacement. Before the enemy could retaliate, he stood up and neutralized a second machine gun nest. Although wounded by a sniper’s bullet, he continued to engage other hostile positions at close range until an exploding grenade shattered his right arm. Despite the intense pain, he refused evacuation and continued to direct his platoon until enemy resistance was broken and his men were again deployed in defensive positions. In the attack, 25 enemy soldiers were killed and eight others captured. By his gallant, aggressive tactics and by his indomitable leadership, Second Lieutenant Inouye enabled his platoon to advance through formidable resistance, and was instrumental in the capture of the ridge. Second Lieutenant Inouye’s extraordinary heroism and devotion to duty are in keeping with the highest traditions of military service and reflect great credit on him, his unit, and the United States Army."
“Reporters Without Borders - an organisation which monitors global press freedom - said some North Korean “journalists” had found themselves sent to “revolutionisation” camps, simply for a typo in their articles.”—I would not last very long.
I find the weight of endless nothing to be so crushing and yet, of course, where leads that? Friday to Saturday, pause it, Friday to Saturday, and on and so on. Non-glibly, I think part of the answer might be music.
You know in a year there will be a tornando that kills hundreds. Or an earthquake that kills thousands. Remember when a storm in, what was it, December of 2005, a storm killed something like a hundred and thirty thousand people without regard. The tunganuska event leveled trees for a hundred miles. Imagine that landing in a city. And yet, depending on how distant we are from those situations we take them in stride. But not just that, right, a lot of people die far from our home and it seems normal. There are seven billion people on the face of the earth. So many die all the time. Many of them die all at once.
Tell us a story, though, tell us of many who die close to us at once, it affects us. It impacts us. In real life terms those children in Connecticut were not more likely to cross my life stream than any other children of the earth.
Some of you may remember my sister is friends with the woman in Connecticut who had three daughters die last Christmas Eve.
But what’s all that, right, its a shadow.
Three children. Three beautiful little girls. But three times six is eighteen and that is, hours ago, the last count I saw of dead children.
Take eighteen and multiply it by one hundred. Now you got eighteen
hundred. One way you could write that is 1,800.00. You know why I added that decimal place? Because I am used to talking about money in those terms, not human beings.
I have no point. I started talking about this loss in order to be clear about what we ignore. I got more interested in making loss abstract.
“Here’s the bottom line, at least for me: We should oppose torture because it’s wrong, not because it doesn’t work. Perhaps the courier’s trail could have been found through other means; we’ll never know. President Obama was right to ban torture, but the public must understand that this decision carries a potential cost in lost information. That’s what makes it a moral choice.”—David Ignatius says exactly what I’ve been thinking.
There is this guy I think of somewhat often, a true blue asshole in college. Once shoved a friend a mine into the street, a rather small girl, at a party. Long before that we all sensed he was just a king of dickhood.
I’ve seen him a few times since then and I’ve never seen a person trying harder to be nice. Working so hard against his nature.
I still don’t really hang out with him. Probably never will.
I hope whatever new friends he has made are good and supportive. The effort is immense. Something I’ve rarely seen.
I’m going to a thing this weekend where there will be(probably in another section of the event I will not see or get into or notice) a number of billionaires greater than one. Non-evil billionaires, even.
“Afterwards, he made a major play for Kelly, convinced they were soul mates. When she turned both him and Brandon down, he decided to avenge his father’s murder.”—This 90210 character guide is riveting.
Eww, Facebook. Anyways, I’d like to make a totally non-rational appeal for you to vote for a friend of a friends school for this contest. The winning organization gets a million dollars. Probably chase should just give fifty thousand to a bunch. Also, I didn’t review other candidates so I can’t say this is the wisest vote, only the one that Kevin Baconed it’s way to my attention. Providing a home for people who never had one sounds like good work.
In fact, before he arranged for the killing of Cherica Adams, Carruth had another son he was refusing to support, and the Sports Illustrated story reveals that when the mother of that son came to Carruth with an offer to cut the support he had been ordered to pay in half if he would agree to do things like call their son on his birthday, Carruth replied that she shouldn’t be surprised if she got into a fatal car accident.